I’m trying my hardest to fight the self-injury urges I’m having now. But everything is in the front of my mind right now. And somehow cutting seems like the best way to make all of those thoughts and feelings go away.
It’s been close to 6 years since the last time I cut. I was in the hospital. It was right around the beginning of February. I was hurting so bad and looking for a way to make the pain go away. I was in the bathroom of my room and I saw this loose tile. So I pried it off of the wall, broke it in half and tried to cut myself with it.
It suddenly dawned on me how poor of a coping mechanism cutting was. It was like I was looking down on myself while floating above. I took my sorry self to the nurses station and they stuck me in isolation for a few hours (gosh that was frightening).
In those few hours I decided that I didn’t want to do that to myself anymore. And I’ve done a good job of not cutting these last 6 years. I won’t say that I never have the urges, or I wouldn’t be writing this right now.
This is my attempt to remain true to my vow not to cut ever again. I’m hoping that it will work. My preferred method is in my bedroom right now. So I’m hoping by staying in the office/living room I can avoid seeing it and reduce the temptation.