Not much going on in life right now. I had a job interview last week. And I have another one on Wednesday. In all honesty, I’m too tired to get anxious about it.
Changing my sleeping position is odd. But I’m getting used to it. I ended up flipping to my other side because I have to face the wall. It freaks me out to have the front of my body exposed to the room, even though I’m wrapped up in blankets.
Getting a decent amount of sleep continues to allude me. I get into bed and waves of panic wash over me. I try to remind myself of where and when it is. But it’s every easy to get caught up in the flashbacks.
I’m still working on the shower issue. I like my new shampoo and body wash. I try to concentrate on the scent while showering. I’ve worked back up to about 90 seconds of standing in the shower before flipping out. One time I even made it up to two minutes.
I’ve managed to avoid cutting. The SI impulses are still quite strong. But I’m using the coping techniques I have.
I notice myself more and more wanting to push away the very people who are trying their best to support me. I’ve always said the first step to changing a behavior is recognizing when it’s occurring. A lot of times, the words are already out before I realize what’s happening. But I can see it in retrospect. So that’s a step. It used to take people telling me what I was doing for me to see it.
And finally, I’m really enjoying the suggestions you all have made for naming my new teddy bear. He’s anxiously awaiting his new name. I’ll decide before the end of the week.