Not tonight


I’m really sick again. The renovations at the school are seriously screwing with my lungs.

I went back to the doctors yesterday. Chest film and everything. Non-spehific changes is what he told me yesterday.  I don’t know what that meant. The doctor didn’t speak enough English for me to find out. Stuck an IV in with steroids and antibiotics. Then he sent me home with a script for more of the same. Higher dosage of steroids than last time.

Went back again today with one of the Korean teachers to translate.  I have to go to a bigger hospital tomorrow.  Doctor at the small local one is concerned that I may have pneumonia.  Great.  Just freaking great.

My stomach hurts. My head hurts. I’m coughing up both lungs. My anxiety level is through the roof. My moods are shifting faster than I know what to do. I’m bouncing between depression, anxiety, si thoughts and suicidal thoughts. I know its the steroids. They do this to me all the time at high doses. But I know I’ll end up in the hospital without them. It’s all I can do to breathe right now.

The anxiety is horrible. I can’t even fall back on my breathing exercises because I can’t get a deep breath from being sick.

This is making no sense right now. I should probably not post it.

I’m so hot. I hate these stupid side effects. You’d think having the a/c set on 18C would be sufficient. I’d go stand under a cold shower, but the thought of getting in the shower right now is just too much to handle.

Can’t go for a walk. It’s the middle of the night. There’s no place to go in the apartment. It’s one room.


The Ativan I took isn’t helping. I’m just feeling loopy from that combined with the codeine in the cough medicine. Probably not the best of ideas to take them together. I didn’t think. Not enough to do any harm. Just enough to make me loopy.


8 thoughts on “Not tonight

  1. No apologies needed.

    I hope this round of meds kicks this illness for good. Give yourself a long leash, considering all the various factors running loose.

  2. kprsjohn says:

    Dear Katm

    boy oh boy you are having a rough time, we really really hope your meds start helping. also hope you can find a dr who speaks english which we are sure would help. to each of you

    peace and blessings


  3. The best advice I can think to give is to try and rest as much as possible. I have bronchitis. I know thats what it is because I’ve had it so many times before but I go in for my official diagnosis and antibiotics on Tuesday. Here I’ve been bitchy — washing my hair in the sink earlier drained what energy I had. So, if I could understand this post, and it made sense to me, and I could relate, than that means you were clear in your writing to a tired, sick young woman who is an easily-confusable state. So Marcy is right. No need to apologize. You make sense. I hope you feel better very soon.

    Hope Sent,
    ~ Ani

  4. TomN says:

    I second that, no apologies needed, and I’m so sorry to hear :( I am glad that you were able to get someone to go with you translate. I’m still sick too if that helps any. “Let’s join forces!” It could be like SARS 2, The Plague Of The White Devil Strikes Again! I hope that was funny.

    I hope that you get some relief soon. It always makes me feel better to communicate, even if I’ve got to rant and rave. I say go ahead.

    All the best

  5. Ys says:

    oh no, I hope you start to feel better soon. I had a chest-infection that lasted three months last year and I struggled really badly with just being able to breathe. I hope you don’t have anything too serious. *hugs*

  6. Just a quick note. I’m in the hospital and have been since Saturday afternoon.

    They’re keeping me at through Monday.

    I have pneumonia.

    And I’m bored out of my skull.

    Only in Korea do they have pay computer terminals…. which is why I can post this.

    I ran into some extremely bad flashback on Monday during/after a CT. But that’s a post for when I have time to write properly.

  7. kprsjohn says:

    Dear katm

    we are thinking of you and keeping you in our prayers! wishing you a speedy recovery and sending many safe hugs((((katm))))

    peace and blessings


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