I just want to say fuck it all right now.
I simply don’t care if I live or die.
This stupid lingering cough is driving me nuts. Add to it an allergy flare up. I just lost the little food I was able to get into my stomach. Between the snot running down into my stomach and the coughing triggering dry heaves. Blech.
I’m tired. I hate going to work. I see those kids. Especially the ones in the morning. They’re only a little bit older than I was when the abuse started. Or at least those are my earliest memories. Somehow, I find it hard to believe that my relatives would have suddenly started all of this when I was 3 or 4 years old.
I know I should reach out to friends. I can hear them telling me to do so. But I can’t. I just can’t. I don’t want to burden them with the horror stories of my past. It isn’t fair to them. No one should have to sit there and listen to shit like this.
The only thing I can say is that I’m completely and utterly exhausted. And somehow, I don’t really care what happens any more.