I sit there at recess and watch the kids playing.  I realize I have no idea what it means to be a kid.  It’s bizarre.  I try to remember playing in the sandbox or on the slides.  The only part of recess I can remember is hiding on the other side of the building so nobody would see me cry.  I used to beg my teachers to stay inside.  I hated trying to look normal.  I’d rather be branded as a geek or nerd than deal with the kid world.

There’s really no point to this whole entry…  just some random thoughts that have been going through my head.  Maybe part of it is me coming to grips with how different my life was.

2 thoughts on “Kids

  1. Children scare me because they remind me of what I never was. When I try to think of myself as a child I can only picture myself as I am now, a 36 year old adult. I am so far removed from the idea of me being a child that I can’t even picture myself at age 6 or 8 or 9 playing as other kids did. But you know what? Other kids that were hurt played and pretended that everything was okay because for that one moment it was. I wonder if they remember who they were as a child or if they can see themselves as a child?

    One of the reasons its so hard for me to let go of guilt is because I never saw myself as a child. If I never saw myself that way then I put adult responsibilities and adult shoulds on the little person I was. I’d never expect a 6 yr old child to fight off a grown woman but somehow in my mind I see me having the strength of a 36 year old woman capable of stopping that madness. That’s where my guilt begins to get me and it’s because I never saw myself as a child. Heck, when did I have the time to be a child or have childhood responsibilities? I was given adulthood from the get go and so were you. Watching what we should have gotten is painful and confusing and most certainly fertile ground for unwanted reminders of who we had to be to survive.


  2. I think Child Depression is the worst thing that anybody can experience. At such a tender age where a child must enjoy his innocence, childhood free of all worries and tension, some kids undergo hell due to circumstances. It leaves a deep impression in their life that is very difficult to wash out.

    I truly hate the adults who by some means are responsible for causing depression in children and deprive them of their happiness

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