I don’t do vacations well.  I always look forward to them, but then I wish I were back at work.  So I have two weeks off.  Next week everyone has off and this week only me.  I knew I’d go bat shit insane if I didn’t get some time away from the school.  And last week I was counting down the days until my vacation.  Today, while everyone else was at school, I was battling feelings of guilt.  I shouldn’t have taken the extra time off.  The usual week would have been ok.  I know this is dumb.  My classes are covered.  My bosses encouraged me to take the time off, and even wrote it into my contract.  But I still feel like crap.

I have stuff I need and want to do.  I need to CLEAN.  Yes, it’s that bad.  With two cats running around, there’s litter everywhere (not very fun to step on with wet feet).  I want to go see the new Harry Potter movie.  I need to go to the bank and pay bills.  I need to do some laundry.  I forgot to turn in my time sheet last week, so I need to go in and do that.  Plus I forgot my phrase book in my desk.  I have a feeling when I step foot in the school, I’m going to get yelled at.

Somehow, vacations make me more anxious.  It’s something about the whole me time thing.  I’m trying to talk some sense into my emotions, but they’re not cooperating.  After going hard for 2 plus years, it’s difficult to slow down.

5 thoughts on “Vacation

  1. I relate — everyone looks at me weird when I talk about how difficult the transition to summer can be, and likewise holidays and such.

    Give yourself permission to do vacation the way you do it, and not feel any obligation to make it like everyone else’s vacation.

    I wish you some rest and replenishment during your time off.

  2. I always work like a banshee before vacations to try to get everything done, then I come back to tons of work needing to be done. Seems like I need a vacation to recuperate from vacation!

    This theme looks great, btw. I really like it!

  3. Hiacynt says:

    I think getting yourself to relax is very crucial, even more so as, as far as I know, you’re in some asian country, where work has almost a cult of its own. I even heard some time ago about special “classes” for some asian employees that will teach them how to relax and not think about work all the time.

    Like you said, you have stuff to do, but don’t overdo it. I mean, it is a time for You, goddamit! Give Yourself something nice, dunno, buy something new, make a small trip or something :) The world is not gonna end and you will build up some good emo’s this way. And you need to get acquintanced with them as much as possible :)

    As for my personal exp in this regard, I have a somewhat opposite thing. There are things that I have to and want to do, and yet I cannot do them. I am blocked, and waste my time. I am blocked. Some strange fear raises in me, and I can’t do anything. It can get clusmy sometimes, because I organize my other duties in order to get more time for something (like I had with my master thesis earlier this year) but then when I am free, I am royally wasting the time, and do things on the last moment. *Sighs* oh, well, I guess we all have our small issue ;)

    Glad you posted, all the best! :)

  4. I sometimes get scared of vacations because when I was a kid, vacations could mean more vulnerability and isolation. I’m fortunate that I’ve spent my adult life with a more positive experience of vacations, but it can still be difficult to make that transition. (It also probably makes a difference now that I’m not working, because vacations now mean that my partner isn’t working–mostly a good thing, but tiring, since I get a lot less down time!)

    I hope you’re able to do some fun stuff, and get to recharge before school starts again.

  5. I’ve often thought that going on vacation was one of the most stressful things… if you’re going to visit your mom…

    But yeah, once you get over the guilt of getting paid for no work, you’ll start enjoying yourself. It takes time, I think, for me to adapt back into the work culture, AFTER the vacation. That’s the hardest part. I’ve been vegetating at home for a week now since I came back from my 3 week vacation, and I have no intention of going for another 4+ years of working like a… banshee…

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