If It Helps…

Today was the second time having those injections in my shoulders.  Again, they triggered intense body memories, anxiety and near tears.  This time there were four, not two.  I wonder if it’s wise to continue.  I’m not sure if they’re helping, though I’m going to give them a chance.

Right now, I’m tired, out of meds for the weekend (duh, I should have paid attention when they just swapped out my remaining meds on Monday and realized I would have anything for the weekend).  I’m going to take some Benadryl tonight and hopefully it’ll help me sleep.  Tomorrow I plan on getting some grading done and some shopping.  It’s been weeks since I did any shopping.  Since it’s going to be hotter on Sunday, I’m going to take the day to rest. Maybe I’ll set up my Mac as a media center and update the OS on my Linux box.  If not, maybe I’ll set up a Windows virtual machine on my Mac.  Or maybe I’ll just sleep.

I’ll see the orthopedist on Monday again.  I also need to see my p-doc for my weekly med check.  I’ll try to convince him to let me go back to bi-monthly checks once (if, trying to think positively here) I’m stable.  And ugh, the Risperdal is giving me tremors.  Not fun when you’re writing.  Even less fun when you’re writing with your wrist in a splint.

2 thoughts on “If It Helps…

  1. I wonder if the injections trigger body memories because of where the doctor is standing when giving the treatment. Are you sitting or lying down. Is he in front of you or behind you when you’re sitting or lying down? The positions during treatment can be triggering, especially when personal space is shared and when pain is involved.

  2. I’m sitting and he’s behind me. I think it’s the pain itself I find triggering along that he’s over me. I don’t think it helps that I hold my breath while he’s doing it. Tomorrow I’m going to a) take some extra Valium before I see him and b) concentrate on staying in the present and breathing.

    Just thinking about it makes me really anxious. I just know I can’t take the pain anymore. Right now I hurt so bad I just want to cry. The worst of the pain is concentrated in my neck and shoulders. But when Ivory decides to walk up my legs onto my body, it’s all I can do to keep from screaming. I don’t want to scare her. She just wants to be with her Mama.

    I know that a while ago, I had to have a steroid injection. Most of the nurses here let you just pull down a side of your pants and lean against a table. But I had one that insisted I lay on the table and pull both sides down. I found that really triggering. But she didn’t speak any English beyond hello and I just don’t know enough Korean to express why I was saying “no”.

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