Kicking Myself

Why do I think when I listen to my body and try to treat myself kindly I’m failing?  Today I really wanted to accomplish 2 things: grocery shopping and grading.  I got the first done and also got a Windows virtual machine set up.  The VM required no physical energy beyond mousing (which is not fun in a hard splint), but a lot of mental energy (basically venting my frustrations with the stupidity of Windows).  I did my grocery shopping for the first time in weeks.  When I got home,  I was exhausted and the muscles in my neck and back were burning.  All I could do was go to bed and cry.  Needless to say, grading didn’t get done.  Nor did the stupid phone calls to students.

Yet I sit here mentally belittling myself for being so lazy and sleeping all afternoon.  It’s like I don’t deserve to be kind to myself.

One thought on “Kicking Myself

  1. I did this the other day. I got some stuff accomplished but felt I failed at another. In the process I denied what I did right.

    You know what I saw in this? I saw a person in a heck of a lot of pain give herself permission to stop pushing. I also saw that later when you realized you’d cut yourself some slack the verbal beating kicked in. Its almost as if you’re okay with being nice to yourself but old tapes say you shouldn’t be. I hate old tapes.

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