Sometimes I just get into a mood where I HAVE TO CLEAN OR THE WORLD WILL END.  Silly?  Yes.  Rational?  No.  Understandable? Probably.  I think it has a lot to do with still feeling dirty from being raped.  Being sexually abused and being raped are like two different things to me.  I don’t know how to explain it.

I know this OCD like cleaning thing is part of my PTSD.  It’s really hard on my body when I get into one of these moods.  I stripped and changed the linens on the bed.  Hung up a load of laundry.  Put another load in.  Swept up the big stuff.  Vacuumed the dust and little stuff.  Cleaned the litter box (note to self – need more litter).  Did the dishes.

I had almost no pain until I started this marathon.  Now my whole body aches and my specific trigger points are up to a five.  And I’m tired.  I feel like I ran 5 marathons.  Luckily I wrote my tests for next week this morning.  So it isn’t looming over my head.  What is looming over my head is the python course I was doing.  I did great on lessons 1 and 2.  Three just overwhelmed me.  I don’t know how much of it is the depression, the fibro fog or the meds (gabapentin makes me head do weird things).  I printed the lessons out because I feel like I can focus my attention better on paper than on a computer screen.  And then there’s the ever calling sirens of Twitter, Facebook and Wikipedia.

So my plan is to take a hot shower and focus on stretching those muscles that are bothering me.  I’m going to take my evening meds and let them work their magic.  If there’s something good on TV, I’ll watch it.  If not, I throw a few show into a playlist in VLC and watch that.

4 thoughts on “Cleaning

  1. My wife also suffers from fibromyalgie. It’s a bitch isn’t it?

    Although what we discovered helps her is structure in her days. Try to go to bed on a certain time and sleep to a certain time (not too late, preferably 9 o’clock). And take plenty of walks. No running, no cleaning, just walks.

    We often take the little one out for a walk in the park. The fresh air and the relaxed movement often make her feel better. After which we usually do some housework together, she doesn’t feel bad afterwards.

    Hope it helps.


    – Prozacblogger

  2. Hello fellow CCC’er,

    I was curious, I appologise if there is a post regarding my question, but how long ago did you go through your rape experience? Please know that I am not judging, just curious. I know it takes a LONG time to get over those kinds of trauma. Somethings … I am not sure if they ever go away completely.

    Fibro is a B*! If I miss my reformer (major stretching with weights) classes I start hurting all over again. I need to take 2 classes a week to feel “GOOD”. Last week I only got one — got lots of aches and pains this weekend. Basically, I have to keep major active or I want to scream – or hit things from the pain.

    Blessings girl!

  3. Thanks to you both. Fibro is definitely one hell of a disease. It seems to take your mind, soul and body all at the same time.

    Right now the biggest thing that is helping is the daily PT. I’ve gone from nearly screaming pain during the massage part to “merely” grunting.

    The Gabapentin is helping but I need to remind myself that I can’t spend the morning doing work for school and then the afternoon cleaning the apartment and taking care of the cats.

    Shonnie, I was raped as teenager. It was date rape. I do hate that term. I don’t care if it was a boyfriend, it was rape pure and simple. Sadly because I didn’t really know any better (years of abuse will do that to your logical mind) it wasn’t just one time.

  4. I do this when I’m running from myself. I clean and get into everything under the sun. I pay attention to everything but what is bothering me. Sometimes it helps to run, nothing much wrong with it… that is as long as we remember to stop and accept other moments. Nothing much wrong with running. :-)

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