I’ve been described as courageous.  Somehow I never associated that word with myself.  But, you know, maybe I am.  It takes a lot of guts to move to the other side of the globe where you don’t speak the language.

People have said it’s courage to live through what I’ve lived through.  No, I don’t think so.  That was pure survival.  I distinctly remember wanting to kill myself at 5.  That’s not courage, that’s just trying to stay alive in madness.  When asked about why I didn’t tell anyone, I didn’t know.  And I felt super guilty that I didn’t tell.  But I can see now it’s survival.  The abuse would have gotten worse and I can only imagine the punishment.

So now I have a life of my own.  My Christmas tree (small it may be) is up and so are the light.  I’m still in the tunnel, but closer to the other side.

2 thoughts on “Courage

  1. CoderForLife says:

    OK – I’ll add my vote.. I think you’re courageous for talking about your experiences, and doing this PostADay thing. Maybe your flight to the other side of the planet was merely because the Mars passenger flight hasn’t started operation yet – whether that is courage or survival I can’t say or judge; telling others is courage. Rock on with your Christmas tree.

  2. Jodie says:

    First I would like to thank you for your comment on my blog. :) Also while I do not know your whole story, and have only read a couple of your posts I would like to comment on what you said about courage, and the wanting to kill yourself when you were 5.

    The fact that you wanted to harm yourself, when you were so young, in order to escape your environment, yet choose to stick it out and try to survive is courageous. Courage isn’t doing something in absence of fear, it’s doing it when you are afraid. Yes you survived, but it took courage to do so, otherwise you would have given in a long time ago.
    Sorry if I overstepped my bounds, but I wanted to share these thoughts with you. :)

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