I just don’t know. I think I’m going through some PTSD regression stuff. I’m having shower and bed issues. I’ve been sleeping on the couch downstairs. I say it’s because it’s too hot in my room, but really, I don’t want anything to do with my room.
I’m having trouble staying med compliant. I rarely take my sleep meds. I still sleep, but with so much REM it’s not refreshing. Pain meds… not the best at taking them either. I feel like I deserve to be in pain.
It’s not easy to sit here and write this. I can’t put things into words right now. I can’t concentrate on anything, in fact I’ve lost interest in my Fortran course and learning the ins and outs of XCode (I’m back on a Mac).
I wish I could throw up. It would make me feel better I think. My stomach is all churned up again, probably because I’m not taking those meds like I should be. I’m not sure how long I’m going to last in the states. It’s been a month and I feel like I’m losing my marbles.