Lots of rest today. I knew that was going to happen. But I did do my cardio and about 75% of the ab workout. Oye, my abs sure do feel it.
There’s a punching part to the cardio workout and while I’m doing it, I find myself angry. Ten years ago (actually longer) my therapist promised I’d get angry someday. I never really believed him. And maybe I’ve had flashes here and there, but never Anger. When I’m doing those punches, I’m pissed off as hell. And I have a picture of certain people in my mind.
Now I’m sweaty and tired. I’m going to try to take a shower (ugh, night showers, still rough) and chill out until bedtime. I’ve got “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” queued up in VLC. So I’m up for a good laugh. Either that, or I’m going to put a season of Star Trek: TNG (the best one, IMHO) in queue.
And if a certain cat doesn’t stop walking across the desk as I type, there will be cat soup for dinner. I won’t mention any names but she’s chubby and brown and her name starts with a G and end with an idgette.
Did the cardio workout. I had to let my Achilles tendon heal after a small tear. I also managed to do the abs part of the workout. Holy cow. Talk about intense. I did them flat on my bed (no I didn’t cheat and use it like a springboard) because I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get up off the floor.
I have the whole pink pajama story. I’m a little afraid to put it into words. I know that sounds stupid. But it feels like that would make it too real. And there’s nobody here I trust enough to tell the story to.
In other news I have this rash thing spreading across my face. They look like bright red zits. The dermatologist I saw said they’re inflamed hair something or others. And the redness was from the capillaries bleeding around them. Now I’m seeing them on my arms. I’m fairly certain they’re not from my meds. They all list rash in the allergic reaction section. This isn’t an allergic rash. I’ve had those. And no wonder I have on appetite. Every single friggin’ drug I’m on lists appetite suppression as a common side effect.
Well, I slept through my alarm this morning. So much for the cardio workout. However, I’m not giving up. Tomorrow is another day.
Anything else? Nada.
Bloody nightmares. I wake up in a panic. I have a hard time figuring out where I am. The cats have been sticking closer to me in bed (either that or their cold since I keep my apartment on the chilly side). None of my old tricks are working. I’m heading to bed. I’m going to get up early and do the P90 cardio. That way if it totally kicks my butt (yes, I’ll listen to my body) I can go back to bed for an hour or so.
And please tell the cats to sit quietly. This is not time for hide and seek.
I did a small portion of the P90 workout. I did mostly the stretching, but a bit of the strength (sans weights or resistant band). Amazingly I don’t hurt over my current baseline. Tired. Yeah, but for some reason I’ve had a hard time getting to sleep the last few nights. Might be waking up from nightmares — getting phobic about sleeping thing I’ve gone through before. Today I was lazy, mostly. I did go through the new books I’ll be teaching. I spent most of the day listening to old podcasts. There’s a podcast on virology that I find fascinating. The hosts are funny and although some (errr, a lot) of it is over my head, they hosts do work hard to make it accessible for the “educated” (science background) lay population as well as those working in the field.
I don’t regret going into psychology, and I’m sorry that the PTSD got in the way of my education. There’s a twang in me that wishes I went to medical school, though I’m pretty sure that would have been suicide for me. Now with the bulk of student loans hanging over me, there is no way I could go back to school even if I wanted to.
Now I’m going to get ready to go to work tomorrow. Yay for four day weeks. Boo for all day seminars the following weekend. So yeah, basically a five day work week for me. I have no idea what these people can talk about for 8 hours. But if it isn’t in English, I’m sleeping.