hugged your inner child today?
Creating a Dialogue With Your Inner Young Child
From: Cathryn L. Taylor M.A. The Inner Child Workbook
1. What is her favorite food?
Fried chicken. But only her grandmother’s chicken.
2. What is the activity she would most like to do?
Read. She could read all day and all night.
3. Has she done this before? Is so , what happened? If not, ask why.
She reads all the time. Her favorite book is still Green Eggs and Ham. But now she can read it on her own.
4. Ask her to tell you about her fear of being blamed and criticized or of doing or saying something wrong.
She is always afraid of doing something wrong. She’s terrified she’ll bring home a bad mark on a school paper even though she’s only in Kindergarten. She’s terrified that she’ll be taken to the orphanage for real this time. She’s afraid of messing up her dances. She doesn’t want to disappoint Miss R.
5. Does she feel overly responsible? Why?
Always. B was just born. She’s supposed to take care of him when mom is drunk.
6. What does she need most from you?
She needs me to understand that she wasn’t a bad kid. She was a good kid in a bad situation.
I’m exhausted now. I’ll try to finish the remaining questions in the near future.
This so appeals to my inner child…
You Are Sweet and Sensitive
You like to think everything through carefully. You tend to regret rash decisions.
You are tentatively playful. It takes you a while to open up to new friends.
You prefer calm waters where you can drift along peacefully. You don’t like waves.
So I’ve been thinking about self worth the last week or so. I think I shocked a coworker when I said something to the effect of “But am I worth it?”.
Let me backtrack and explain things… I’ve started going to the gym. There’s a full service gym literally catty-corner from my apartment. I had to get over the “I’m so fat and people are going to point and laugh” feelings. Not that kids on the streets here don’t point and laugh… sadly many parents don’t bat an eye at this behavior. And I’m not just talking little kids, I’m talking older kids and teenagers. But that’s beside the point. I’ve started going to the gym. Yay for me. For the most part the trainers there leave me alone to walk on the treadmill. Two of my coworkers also go. They’re my motivation right now. They’ve threatened (semi-jokingly) to drag me by my toes if I don’t go on my own accord.
At first I was planning on paying by the day (about $5.50) because my plan was to go three times a week. N and D (my coworkes) had other ideas for me. I’m going to go daily. I did pretty good last week. I went four out of five days. I missed Tuesday because we had a work event to attend. So at 7000 Won a day, that was going to get expensive pretty fast. I opted to get a montly membership (about $70). If I can keep it up, I’ll get a three month membership when my month is up.
That’s the back story. I said something at work like “I hope it’s worth it.”. A coworker (Nor) said “Of course it is! It’s an investment in you!”. Which I replied. I hope I’m worth it. Not only did this shock her, it seemed to offend her. I haven’t told her about my past. In fact, I’ve only told N very small bits about my past. So I can see how Nor doesn’t understand why I’d say something like that.
Anywho, I have to keep reminding myself that I am worth that money.
I walking through Lotte Mart getting notebooks for my students and what do I see? Crayola crayons. Why should this excite me so? Crayolas (or any American crayon brand) are pretty much non-existant in Korea. We have a choice of two different types of crayons here. One is more like oil pastels and you can usually get them in a 24 color pack. The others are more wax like, such as we’d find in the US. And they’re in twisty tubes. So it’s like having a crayon in a pen container. Yeah, I know that makes no sense. I have a package right here in my desk at home, but my battery for my camera is on the other side of the room charging and there’s a kitten sleeping in my arms. So, camera, ain’t gonna happen right now.
So I had to do it. I bought a pack of Crayolas. 24 of those smelly wonderful American crayons. I’m so printing off a bunch of coloring pages tomorrow at work. My inner child is going to have a blast.
Sparkler is doing well. She’s getting big. She’s getting very big. I hope she stops growing soon. She used to fit in the palm of my hand. No more.
She definitely has a personality of her own. She lets me know when she’s unhappy with something. She can be very loud at 6 o’clock in the morning when she needs food or water. She seems to like the “other stuff” (the seeds and such) in her food better than the guinea pig pellets, so I bought a bag of the other stuff to mix in with her food. She still also loves oranges, peppers and cucumbers.
So now for a few pictures…
I posted a few weeks ago about a fit of jealousy I had. After talking it over with a friend, I decided to email Eric about it. I was absolutely terrified waiting for a response. And when I saw it had come, I was even more scared. I didn’t know if I really wanted to read what he had to say. I think I knew deep down that he wouldn’t be angry or hate me, but those were the fears I had. The thing that helped me the most was him saying “If you can’t tell, I don’t think less of you for the thoughts, and I do think more of you for the actions.”
It was definitely a relief. And in the end, I’m glad I told him how I was feeling. Talking about it with him helped a lot. And knowing that he understood where I was coming from made me feel less like a freak.
I’ve been meaning to post this for the last few days, but life has gotten in the way. Let’s just say things are insane at work and are only going to get more insane. Although, it’s not as bad as it could be. When I saw the tentative schedule last week, I was scheduled to teach 8 afternoon classes, but it turns out I only got 6 (mainly because I can be in only one place at once). Next week our morning schedule goes back to normal plus I get to be a homeroom teacher too (so much for that blessed 5 minutes where we got to sit down).
So I had a dream the other night. It wasn’t my typical nightmare either. It’s the first good dream I’ve had in an extremely long time.
Austin and I were playing at the house where I grew up. Her animals were there. My guinea pig, Sparkler, was there as was my long departed kitty Jeepers and Parquet, the kitty my family took in. There was also a stray cat we were playing with. None of our parents were anywhere around. We had a blast running through the house and the yard. The animals were being nuts-so as only awesome pets can be. I remember sitting under the huge cottonwood trees and talking for what seemed like hours. In the dream we were normal, everyday kids doing normal, everyday kid stuff.
It really was a refreshing change from the nightmares I’ve been having. I’ve been writing them down in my private blog, but I haven’t felt strong enough to share them here. They involve some new memories that I wish I could forget.
I’m still extremely tired and run down. I’m just getting over a cold that one of my co-workers so generously shared with me and at least one other teacher. I taught 8 consecutive classes this afternoon. I didn’t sit down between 1:50 and 5:10. And the vast majority of the classes are with students who are either new to the school or new to me. My head is spinning trying to learn names and deal with the fact that they upped the class size from 12 to 15. I’m hoping to catch a nap tomorrow morning. Right now, the 7 year old classes aren’t meeting because those kids moved up from the preschool to the elementary level. We all switched our remaining classes around so we didn’t have to sit around all morning and twiddle our thumbs. So I teach 9:40-10:35 the rest of this week and then I’m off until 2:15 (well, Tuesdays I start at 1:50). So I figure I can fit in a solid 2 hour nap no problem. My to-do list is starting to look like a short novel. I suppose I should at least make a start on the letter to the preschool parents. I don’t know why I get to write it. It’s not like the majority of those parents know a lick of English…
Sparks is doing well. She goes nuts when I drop oranges into her cage. I’ll have to appropriate some more from work tomorrow (they put out huge bowls of them in one of the work rooms).
The two of us had a nice chat earlier this evening. I worked out some stuff that was running through my head. Even if she is just a little guinea pig, she’s a good listener. And sometimes that’s all we need.
And I also got some pictures.
A new member has joined the KatM household. I’d like to introduce you to Sparkler. I call her Sparks or Sparkey for short. She’s a little guinea pig. She’s all white except the brown patch on one eye and the black patch on the other. I’ve discovered that oranges make her very happy. She’s not so crazy about spinach though. Once she comes out of her hidey hole, I’ll get a picture up.
I’ve only had her a little more than a day, but I can’t imagine life without her. I sit and talk to her and she chats right back.
I feel like a kid, but in a good way this time.